Where has the time gone?

I find myself asking this question ALL OF THE TIME.

Where does the time go?

(Playing at Grandma Wing's house on the 4th)

I cannot believe that summer is already half over. There are so many things that have happened that I haven't written and honestly, I don't think I'm gonna ever get around to it.

(Making silly faces is a new favorite game in our house.)

Life has been a little crazy around here the last month or so. We've run into some issues, I guess you could call them, with Monkey Boy and we've had to frequent Primary Children's Medical Center because of it.

(My handsome baby. He's smiling and laughing all the time now, well when he's feeling good, but I can never get it on camera)

We found out that he had some floppy tissue (Laryngomalacia) abstructing his airways that had to be surgically fixed, and he has SEVERE acid reflux that is causing him to aspirate when he eats. No fun. It seems like it might be slowly inproving with the 3 different medications he is on, but we'll find out for sure in a couple months. If it doesn't improve to where his doctors want it to, they might ave to do surgery to help.

Fingers crossed.

Other than that, we've just been enjoying our summer and trying not to go too crazy.

Ok, maybe it's just me that's trying not to go crazy, but oh well.

(This kid kills me. Hilarious. He's such a boy and has me wrapped around his finger.)

3 kids is hard. I struggle. I struggle on a daily basis. And although there are days that I have to remind myself multiple times that I love them and I can't throw them away,

I really do love them and wouldn't trade having them in my life for anything.

(We spend many a day outside doing this...)

Monkey boy is 3 months old now. Sometimes I can't believe that he's that old, but at the same time, it feels like he's been here forever. 

Oh how much my life has changed these last 3 months and I love it.

Remember that one time when...

...I used to blog a lot more often?

... I used to actually take pictures of my kids? (Poor Monkey Boy has been home from the hospital 3 weeks and I think I've taken maybe 3 pictures. Yeah, I'm awesome.)

... I would actually attempt to make myself presentable for the day instead of hoping that MAYBE when the Hubs gets home I can get 5 minutes to take a shower or even just put on some clean underwear?

... my house didn't look like Hiroshima 24/7 no matter how hard I try to pick up after the 3 little people that live here? (Actually somedays, I dont try very hard...)

... I used to make something other than spaghetti or ravioli everynight for dinner?

... my bedroom didn't smell like diapers? Cause it does.

... I had more than 5 seconds of interaction with the Hubs before we both totally crash after the kids are asleep? (K it's probably more than that, but it sure seems like 5 seconds.)

... sometimes, being an adult SUCKS.

... cancer can TOTALLY suck my big toe...among other things.

... I work with THE most awesome people ever?

My life really is awesome. I know it sounds like I'm complaining,(ok maybe I kind of am...)but I'm sitting here laughing at myself while I type all of this.

Am I crazy busy and stressed to the max?

Yeah.

Is my house a total disaster that if anyone came to my door and wanted to come inside I would honestly tell them they couldn't come in?

 Yep.

 Do the 3 little things I get to call my children drive me absolutely nuts on a daily basis?

 Sure thing.

But I love it.

 I love them.

 I love their Daddy.

 He's pretty much the most awesome-est person ever. Fur relz. (Sometimes I like to think I can talk gangster, er, gangsta... Word.)

 So even though the majority of the time I probably stink, am covered in children-who-knows-what, am exhausted beyond belief, and usually can't remember something you told me 5 seonds ago...

these people make it awesome.

Love

I am in love with these kids.

I have lots to update on, but frankly I am exhausted. It's good exhausted though. Cause I'm loving having all of my kids home with me.

So for now, until I can muster up a little more energy,

Enjoy...

He's home...

...and we're loving it.



So close I can almost taste it...

But I'm trying to not let myself get too excited. Nolan is doing amazing considering where he has come from. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks from the day he was born and 7 days away from his due date, May 10th. All along we've been told and have told ourselves to expect a date closer to his due date for when he'll be able to come home. As that day gets closer, it's so hard to not to get over excited just in case he doesn't make it home by then. But hey, the kid has surprised me before!

Nolan is beginning to take more and more of his feedings by bottle and we're keeping his fingers crossed that maybe by tomorrow he'll have his feeding tube taken out and be taking ALL feedings by bottle. Woo-hoo! He's also way down on his oxygen, but this is what will most likely keep him there. Even though it's a lot better than what it was, he's still got a little bit to go before he can be off of it. After he's off oxygen, keeping his oxygen saturations up, is taking all his feedings by bottle, and is continuously gaining weight everyday, then he can come home.

For the first time in 3 weeks, I feel like there is a little light at the end of the tunnel. Progress is being made and my baby will come home. Eventually. He has soo many people that love him praying and rooting for him to come home.

The past 3 weeks have been the craziest of my life and I never want to repeat them again, but I wouldn't trade them at the same time. I have learned so much about so many different things that I wouldn't have if not for this experience. Modern medicine is amazing and I am so grateful to have been born in a time when such serious complications, for both me and Nolan, could be controlled and we could be made well. Prayers are answered even if you don't feel you are being heard or you feel you aren't worthy enough to recieve the blessings and answers. The power of the Priesthood is amazing. I honestly believe that my son would not be here if it weren't for the many blessings he has recieved. My husband is my rock. I have been a wreck the past few days, for obvious and not-so-obvious reasons, and he has been amazing. I love him so much and am so grateful and blessed to be sealed to such and amazing person. My family, immediate and in-laws, and friends will do anything for my little family. I cannot even begin to show and give thanks enough for all they have done in the last 3 weeks. Between watching Goose and Bubs while we go to the hospital, bringing us food, letting me break down on their shoulders, and just calling to check in. I have been humbled to the point of tears more than once during this whole experience.

We're almost there buddy, we're almost there.

14 days

It's been 14 days since my little buddy was born. And it has been the most trying 14 days of my life. He's come a long way from where he was, but he's still got a ways to go before he'll be home.

I am so blessed to have this little person in my life. He has already taught me so much and I feel honored that he chose me as his mama. He was a sick, sick little boy when he was born. Not only were his lungs not fully developed, but he developed pretty bad pneumonia, and 4 days after he was born he got a spontaneous double pneuomothorax, which basically means that he developed a hole in each of his lungs so air was collecting in his chest cavity putting pressure on his lungs not allowing him to breath. Saturday April, 16th was probably the scariest days of my life. They ended up having to put 2 chest tubes in and we just had to wait and see what happened. He was almost transported to Primary Children's Hospital, but luckily they were able to get him stablized so they didn't have to. I will forever be indebted to the doctors and nurses at St. Mark's for saving my son's life.

The chest tubes came out a few days later and everything has healed up on it's own. An absolute miracle. He is such a little fighter.

We were finally able to hold him this last Saturday, April 23rd. Not only were we able to hold him, but since he was off the ventilator, we were able to give him his first bottle as well. He's eating!! Such a huge step. He still has a ways to go on his eating, he has to be able to eat a lot more during one feeding to be able to come home, but it's progress!

He's also now holding his body temperature, so they've moved him to a different room in the NICU where he doesn't have to be under the warmers all the time. He's still on oxygen through a cannula in his nose and will probably be on it for a while longer. He's got a ways to go on that. But once he starts eating everything he needs to and gets off the oxygen, hopefully he'll be able to come home. We don't have any dates as to when that will be, but we know that he's where he needs to be to get better.

We love our little man and cannot wait for him to get better so we can really snuggle him and never let him go. John has been my rock through this whole experience and I don't know what I would do without him. I am so grateful for the power of the priesthood and for all of the blessings and prayers that have been given to and in behalf of Nolan, myself, and our family. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone. But, I am so grateful for the testimony builder it has been for me.

Trust me, I've been struggling. But like I said before, I know that Nolan is where he needs to be to get better and I just need to be patient and have faith that he will get better and will be home before I know it.

I love you buddy. Come home to Mama soon k?

Nolan William Matern

Tuesday April 12, 2011 will be a crazy day that I will always remember. I went in for my weekly doctors appointment, fully thinking that I still had a week and 2 days till this baby was coming. I had had a really rough weekend and was so excited to be in the single digit countdown. Well, my body had differnt plans. My blood pressure was up and not going down and I was in so much pain that I was startign to have to take a lot pain meds just to be able to function. Between the two of those things, my doctor felt that it was a better for me to not be pregnant anymore than risk me getting even more sick.

As happy as I was to FINALLY not be pregnant anymore, I was terrified. I was just barely 36 weeks, and even though I had had the steriod shot to help his lungs develop faster, we knew there was chance that he'd have to be in the NICU. I was so scared for my baby, but knew that in order for me to get better, I needed to not be pregnant anymore.

After being monitored for a few hours until my doctor could be there, at 9:30 PM, they took me back to the operating room. John joined me a few minutes later and at 10:05 PM, Nolan William Matern was born. He was 7 lbs 1 oz, and 20 inches long. He came out crying, but the little stinker kept holding his breath, so they took him to the NICU. I literally got to see him for about 30 seconds before they took him away. Talk about rollercoaster of emotions! Luckily, John was able to go with him and be with him while they worked and got him hooked up  to the machines.

I got taken back to my room, while John was with him. It was such a bizarre feeling, knowing that I had just had a baby, but he wasn't with me and knowing that I wasn't going to be able to hold and snuggle him for a while.

I'm still struggling with it. I hate that I don't have a baby in my room with me. It's hard to even believe I even had him, and then I try to move and the pain reminds me. Now, I know there are lots of babies who are much more sick than Nolan is, but it's so hard seeing my tiny little man with tubes down his throat and wires all over the place.

He is doing much better than he was those first few hours after he was born. His oxygen levels are coming down (YAY!) and they are slowly weaning him off some of the medications that he's been on. He not out of the woods, by any means, but he's better. He will probably be here for a little while longer and most likely not be coming home with us.

It's ok though. He's here where he needs to be to get better and he has awesome nurses and doctors with him all the time. I can't wait for the day that I'll be able to hold and snuggle him rather than just touch and hold his hand. John has been amazing and I know I couldn't do this without him. I know he'll be fine. I know that he'll come home when he's strong enough and ready to. But, OH MY HEAVENS I wish I knew when that was going to be.

I'll be updating as we find out what's happening and as we continuw on this little journey of ours.