Shcrap

S*&# + Crap = Shcrap

This week has been shcrap.

Like shcrappy shcrap.

The Monday before Thanksgiving,

I found out I was pregnant.

We were terrified. 

We were shocked.

We were ecstatic.

It was not planned...at all.

But we've learned over the years that we can't really expect anything planned.

Our kids like to do their own thing when it comes to when they join our family.

We had only told a handful of people because we knew what the common reaction would be from people. And it wasn't a positive one. I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing,

"Wow, you guys must be SO busy!"

"SO are you done now?"

"When are you guys going to make it permanent?"

 "Is John going to get snipped?"

 "Are you having your tubes tied?"

Frankly, it's none of their business. Our family plan, when we dcide to add children to our family is between me, John, and God.

Fast forward to Sunday night when I started spotting and feeling like something was wrong.

Monday morning I went in to have my blood drawn to check my HCG levels and found out they were lower than they should have been for how far along I was (8 weeks).

Fast forward again to Tuesday afternoon when I started having some awful, sharp pain so my doctor had me go into the ER.

They did an ultrasound where we were fortunate enough to see a cute little heartbeat and everything looked perfect. That was at about 6:30 PM.

We got home around 10 PM and that's when all hell broke loose. Literally the second I walked in the door. It was an awful night full of all sorts of details I won't go into.

Wednesday morning, I got in to do another ultrasound where they found that the perfect little peanut and heartbeat we had seen the night before, wasn't there.

Sometime in the 4 hours the night before from the ultrasound and when we got home, the baby passed away and my body took over.

I had a D&C done late Wednesday night and have been home resting since.

I'm not writing this post for sympathy and pity. While I am truly grateful for the love and support both John and I have recieved the past few days, I am writing to just simply let people know in a way that I don't necessarily have to talk in person.

Is that selfish or weird?

Maybe.

But I just really would rather not break down in front of you.

I'll be fine.

I am fine.

It hurts and will continue to hurt for a while. I know anyone that has gone through this understands.

I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of the gospel and the Plan of Salvation.

I am so grateful for the 3 beautiful, amazing, perfect children I do have.

I am so grateful the love and support of my friends and family who have been there and let me sob into your shoulder and have helped with my kids.

I am so grateful for an amazing husband who has been my rock. I'm not the only one who lost a baby. He did too.

We know there is one more child for us to raise here on this earth. I don't know when that will happen or when we will have the blesing of doing so, but I can't wait.

I can't wait to have my enitre family here with me.

That will be perfection.



Why yes, it has been that long...

2 months.

Yes. It has been 2 months since I've blogged. So what have we been up to?

Lots.

 Lots and lots.

Shall we do this pictures?

Yeah, I think that'll be the best way to do things.

So here ya go, the past 2 months in the life of the Matern clan...

Someone got tired while they were playing.

Sibling love...no seriously. They adore each other.

Bubs on his first day of nursery...

Someone excited about being Spiderman for Halloween.



Daddy and his baby girl.

Rapunzel and her cousins... 

This little monster kills me. I adore him.

Helping Dad rake the leaves.

My adorable little bat.

Life has been super crazy the last few months, hence the lack of blogging. And it's only going to get more crazy. Life with 3 kids is an adventure, to say the least. But, I can't imagine my life without any of them.



The big 3-0

Today is the Hubs birthday. He's 30 now. Talk about old man. It's ok, he knows he totally robbed the cradle when he married me.

K, I actually hate that phrase,

"robbed the cradle"...

Anyways...

And since it's his birthday, that means that he's sick.

Yep.

 So sick.

 And I feel so bad.

But this honestly happens EVERY. YEAR.

Without fail, the week of his birthday, it starts with the kids. The puking, the vomitting, the diarrhea.

(Yep, I totally just said diarrhea on my blog...)

Then it's me, then him.

ALWAYS the week of his birthday.

(Sorry folks, he's taken.)

So, since Hubs is passed out on the couch feeling like death, my plans for today have gone out the window.

Sorry babe. We'll celebrate as soon as you can stand again.

(At the hospital when Bubs was born.)

I love you.

We'll aim for heathly next year.

Summer ramblings...

Sometimes life is crazy. K, maybe life is crazy ALL THE TIME.

Especially when you have 3 kiddos ages 3 and under, a husband who works 40-60 hours a week, and an awesome job teaching what you love twice a week. 

The Matern family is BUSY. I never would have thought we would be so busy when our kids are still so young. And it's only going to get busier the older they get.

I can't believe that summer is almost over. I feel like we haven't really done anything, but yet we've done so much. Dance classes for Goose are starting up in the next week or so, which also means that I will be starting my Musical Theater teaching gig here shortly as well. Goose is so excited to be doing ballet again this year as well as tap.

But enough of the boring stuff. Let's get to the part you really love, pictures. Cause let's face it, my kids are adorable.

(Don't mind the quality on some of these, they were all taken with my phone cause frankly it's very convienent.)



We chopped Goose's hair.

And we all LOVE it.

My crazies after church.

Camping with the fam over the 24th of July. This is the first decent family picture we have of the 5 of us...Can you say family pictures in the fall. Yes. Yes, you can.

This kid KILLS me. Kills me cause seriously the cutest darn thing ever, and kills me cause he drives me absolutely CRAZY. And I thought Goose was dramatic...

I have been sealed to this man for 4 years. It has been the most stressful, crazy, emotional, hardest, fun, life-changing, and the best 4 years of my life, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

(Yes, you read that right. We have only been married for 4 years and we have 3 kids ages 3 and under. That's how we roll folks.)

Do I weigh about 50 pounds more than when we got married?

Yes, I do.

Have I ever been more stressed in my life.

No, I haven't.

Has my house ever been cleaner for more than 5 seconds?

No, it hasn't.

Do I listen to crying children all day long?

You'd better believe it.

Do I get greeted each day with a huge hug and kiss from a man that I absolutely adore?

Oh yeah.

Have we created 3 of the most beautiful, crazy, hilarious children in the world?

Yes, we have.

Do I absolutely LOVE my life?

You know it.

And I have it all because I have a very strong belief that because I made the choice to be sealed for time and all eternity to the man I love, that I will be able to be with him and our children FOREVER. Like, forever forever. And I say that's AWESOME. Pure awesome.

Where has the time gone?

I find myself asking this question ALL OF THE TIME.

Where does the time go?

(Playing at Grandma Wing's house on the 4th)

I cannot believe that summer is already half over. There are so many things that have happened that I haven't written and honestly, I don't think I'm gonna ever get around to it.

(Making silly faces is a new favorite game in our house.)

Life has been a little crazy around here the last month or so. We've run into some issues, I guess you could call them, with Monkey Boy and we've had to frequent Primary Children's Medical Center because of it.

(My handsome baby. He's smiling and laughing all the time now, well when he's feeling good, but I can never get it on camera)

We found out that he had some floppy tissue (Laryngomalacia) abstructing his airways that had to be surgically fixed, and he has SEVERE acid reflux that is causing him to aspirate when he eats. No fun. It seems like it might be slowly inproving with the 3 different medications he is on, but we'll find out for sure in a couple months. If it doesn't improve to where his doctors want it to, they might ave to do surgery to help.

Fingers crossed.

Other than that, we've just been enjoying our summer and trying not to go too crazy.

Ok, maybe it's just me that's trying not to go crazy, but oh well.

(This kid kills me. Hilarious. He's such a boy and has me wrapped around his finger.)

3 kids is hard. I struggle. I struggle on a daily basis. And although there are days that I have to remind myself multiple times that I love them and I can't throw them away,

I really do love them and wouldn't trade having them in my life for anything.

(We spend many a day outside doing this...)

Monkey boy is 3 months old now. Sometimes I can't believe that he's that old, but at the same time, it feels like he's been here forever. 

Oh how much my life has changed these last 3 months and I love it.

Remember that one time when...

...I used to blog a lot more often?

... I used to actually take pictures of my kids? (Poor Monkey Boy has been home from the hospital 3 weeks and I think I've taken maybe 3 pictures. Yeah, I'm awesome.)

... I would actually attempt to make myself presentable for the day instead of hoping that MAYBE when the Hubs gets home I can get 5 minutes to take a shower or even just put on some clean underwear?

... my house didn't look like Hiroshima 24/7 no matter how hard I try to pick up after the 3 little people that live here? (Actually somedays, I dont try very hard...)

... I used to make something other than spaghetti or ravioli everynight for dinner?

... my bedroom didn't smell like diapers? Cause it does.

... I had more than 5 seconds of interaction with the Hubs before we both totally crash after the kids are asleep? (K it's probably more than that, but it sure seems like 5 seconds.)

... sometimes, being an adult SUCKS.

... cancer can TOTALLY suck my big toe...among other things.

... I work with THE most awesome people ever?

My life really is awesome. I know it sounds like I'm complaining,(ok maybe I kind of am...)but I'm sitting here laughing at myself while I type all of this.

Am I crazy busy and stressed to the max?

Yeah.

Is my house a total disaster that if anyone came to my door and wanted to come inside I would honestly tell them they couldn't come in?

 Yep.

 Do the 3 little things I get to call my children drive me absolutely nuts on a daily basis?

 Sure thing.

But I love it.

 I love them.

 I love their Daddy.

 He's pretty much the most awesome-est person ever. Fur relz. (Sometimes I like to think I can talk gangster, er, gangsta... Word.)

 So even though the majority of the time I probably stink, am covered in children-who-knows-what, am exhausted beyond belief, and usually can't remember something you told me 5 seonds ago...

these people make it awesome.

Love

I am in love with these kids.

I have lots to update on, but frankly I am exhausted. It's good exhausted though. Cause I'm loving having all of my kids home with me.

So for now, until I can muster up a little more energy,

Enjoy...